.I and will.

I mess up. I think I'm strong, but I give in. I want what I can't have. I think about the what if's. I replay in my head the failures Ive committed.

Why is this my primary response? Am I too negative? Am I being negative..about being negative?

Its the normal process of being human. Right? But then I ask myself, whats "normal"..who gets to decide that?

In that shame, I cant look at myself in the mirror. I see myself less than what I should, but I cant help it. My heart is torn. My mind says one thing, my heart says another. Fool that I am. 


I slowly place the stones that build a wall...that snuff out the gift to feel pain, sorrow or grief. I avoid it. But when that wall is knocked down..where there is ruin..there can only be rebuilding..


I give up fighting. I turn to the Father. He knows I'm sorry, but I repeat it again. I ask him.."What do you say about me?" 

You say, "... I am here. I am with you. I hear you. I see you. I say you are my daughter, you are mine. I am yours. I forgive you."

That is simply, all I need to hear from Abba.

I wont hesitate, I will look up, I will take one step forward.